I am often struck by the countless forms and causes of unnecessary human suffering. It seems like we are constantly getting lost in ruminations about the past and anxieties about the future. We try in vain to predict events and control their outcomes, and as a result, we often do little more than flail around ineffectually. We waste energy, make a mess of even the […]

Mindfulness is about spending more time in the present moment. It is a concept that sounds simple and perhaps not very interesting, but in practice, the present moment turns out to be an elusive thing. It does not include the present day, hour, or minute. It is only right now. It is this moment, this experience, this feeling, this action. It is only THIS… right […]

Every once in a while, a few of my clients will seem to become synchronized around a single theme or issue. This happened a couple weeks ago, and the theme was obligation. The quick version is this… “Appreciation and apology, not obligation, are the currency of healthy relationships.” When people in a relationship become focused on score-keeping and equity, the relationship dynamic can become adversarial […]

Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream. Having a two-year-old at home, I have been revisiting a vast array of children’s nursery rhymes, song, stories, and fairy tales. Most carry no real weight as vehicles of philosophy, but “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” caught me by surprise. As simple as the words may sound, […]

I belong to a book group focused on Buddhism and psychotherapy, and one of our recurring discussions is about whether or not there is a self. Buddhist teachings often focus on the idea that there is no such thing as the self, but clinical work in Psychology tends to deal directly with the self. It can be confusing. Is there a self? Do I exist? […]

Every once in a while, I come across an anxious or depressed client whose symptoms appear to be grounded in a particular belief system, which I will call deconstructionism. The deconstructionist sees the inherent flaws in everything and uses this awareness to reject everything as worthless. Religion, career, community, culture, relationships, politics, philosophy, morality, and even life itself… To the die-hard deconstructionist, it’s all crap. […]

Stories are powerful. At their most basic, stories are simply ideas or collections of ideas, and they can be as big as an epic novel or as small as a single thought, like “life is hard” or “I am fat.” There are stories we take in through books, movies, TV, advertising, other people, and our own experiences. There are also stories we tell ourselves in […]

Water knows no fear, anticipation, or surprise. Remaining calm, clear, and true, It suffers not the future And reflects beauty in tranquility. Water neither seeks nor resists conflict. Flowing with simplicity and efficiency, It suffers not the present And reflects beauty in turbulence. Water dwells not on drama or regret. Resuming the original condition, It suffers not the past And reflects beauty in equilibrium. Water […]

During the intake process with a new client, I always ask about five areas of self-care: nutrition, sleep, exercise, pleasurable activities, and supports. Self-care provides a foundation for physical and mental health, and I believe that everything we do in therapy is built upon this foundation. With a more solid foundation, progress comes easier and outcomes are more sustainable. The same is true for everything […]